Have you ever been asked a question that has struck you as offensive, patronising or just alarmingly ignorant? We’ve all likely experienced this at some point during our personal or professional interactions and have probably responded with what we considered to be the requisite level of sarcasm and irritation.
Now think about a time when you may have tentatively posed a question to someone out of genuine curiosity and were met with a harsh, condescending remark. Receiving such responses not only leaves us embarrassed and as clueless as we were before having asked the question, but also inhibits us from asking anything again in future. It’s an unproductive cycle that can easily be remedied through an altered approach and better choice of words.
Something many of us fail to realise is that the tone we use to communicate our thoughts holds the power to convey much more than our words. Responding to a surprising question with a tone that makes someone feel attacked and belittled is a terribly negative method to handle such a situation.
Let’s take a look at some of the instances in which we may be inclined to react this way.
Sometimes people tend to pose questions to someone who may consider the query to be insensitive in nature. For example, certain questions relating to religion, cultural background, gender, sexual orientation or language may strike one as stereotypical and rude, while the person asking may genuinely be seeking information.
Being a person of colour growing up in Australia, I remember always feeling irritated when anyone asked about or commented on my proficient English or lack of Indian influence in my accent. As someone who had lived in the country since infancy and was taught English for the first time in the Australian accent, these were very patronising questions that resulted in a curt response from me from time to time. This was unnecessary behaviour on my part, as it was quite unfair of me to have expected anyone to know these additional details about me. For them, it was nothing more than a harmless observation.
Rather than expressing annoyance, a pleasant smile and simple “Thanks! I’ve been here all my life though so I can’t really take too much credit for that. My family moved here when I was barely three”, was all that was necessary.
Similarly, we may be asked something that appears to have a glaringly obvious answer. We may occasionally fail to realise that the experience and knowledge we’re using to perceive this question, may not necessarily be shared by the person asking. Try keeping your response calm, friendly and helpful so as not to scare someone out of ever asking you anything again. It always helps to be an approachable person, especially in a professional environment.
The fact is that in most cases, you will not know for certain if a person is being deliberately unpleasant, yet somehow we tend to assume the worst and react accordingly.
A simple change in approach can prevent this interaction from becoming toxic. Rather than assuming that this person is attempting to offend us or waste our time, it is always helpful for us to adopt a more positive thought process and believe that they may genuinely be in need of some clarification.
Making use of a friendly tone instead of sounding irritated helps this process along, as well as using appropriate body language. Sighing, eye-rolling or even laughing are counterproductive responses, as what we are trying to ensure is a pleasant exchange.
By making it your intention to politely inform rather than be dismissive, the entire course of a potentially unpleasant exchange can be altered to a become a positive one.
