You’re not always going to agree with everyone you meet. There are frequent instances where we find ourselves in situations where we simply cannot bring ourselves to share the perspective of another person. In such a case, how must one effectively deal with this difference of opinion?
The first step would be to identify the difference between a healthy debate and an unfriendly argument. A debate is a sensible discussion that takes place to encourage another person to accept your perspective. The intention is to convince, rather than condescend. An argument, on the other hand, is often a battle of egos that usually only takes place with the intention of belittling the views of the person we are speaking to.
Debates usually look something like this:
- Calm tone of voice. It is normal to get a little passionate when discussing something we feel strongly about, but it is crucial to always ensure that we are not coming across as aggressive and angry.
- An equal chance to speak. Both individuals respect the other person’s chance to express their opinion without interruptions or nasty comments.
- Respectful language. “I understand your point but what about…” and “I can see where you’re coming from but let’s try taking a look at it this way…”, are useful phrases when taking part in a discussion.
- Appreciation of another perspective. An open-minded discussion allows people to give themselves a chance to be sensibly convinced to accept a fresh point of view.
Arguments, however, are an unfriendly approach to the disagreement at hand, where the intention is clearly to degrade the individual, rather than persuade. They may consist of the following:
- Lack of respect. Dismissing the point without hearing the person out entirely. Not allowing the other person to speak by constantly speaking over them or interrupting frequently.
- Being completely closed to the idea that another person might be able to offer some interesting insights that we may have overlooked.
- Aggressive language. Unnecessary name calling, rude and personal comments, that have little to do with the issue at hand, mostly used to catch the other person off guard.
How do we take control of this? Here are some tips to keep in mind:
- Stick to the facts. Do not resort to being hurtful and making irrelevant personal attacks on the person, in an attempt to disarm them. This is a petty tactic that rarely ends well and there is nothing to be achieved by it, except to create unnecessary aggravation. By making use of a respectful approach, you will always have much greater chances of getting through to another person and succeeding in getting them to understand your perspective.
- Keep your temper under control. A valuable tip we must always keep in mind is, when we lose our temper, we lose our audience. Think back to any situation in your past where someone may have been attempting to persuade you. You will notice that rarely did anyone manage to convince you of anything by shouting it aggressively. By maintaining a calm demeanour, we can ensure that the person we are speaking to will be much more receptive to what we have to say.
- Keep an open mind. Something all of us have been guilty of, at some point or another, is to convince ourselves that we cannot possibly be incorrect. If we are trying to convince the other person to accept our stance, we must also ensure that our own minds are open enough to be convinced. Listen carefully to what the other person has to say and never dismiss the possibility that you may be wrong about some things.
- Always remember the intent. We must always keep in mind that the intention of the debate is not to hurt the other person’s feelings or cause them to feel attacked. Whenever we feel that the situation is heating up and becoming tense, it’s best to best to remind ourselves of the initial intent and to tone down the tension.
- Wait your turn. It is not uncommon to become passionate during a discussion, yet a frequent error some of us tend to make is to interrupt the other person as soon as we hear something we disagree with. Always remember that when the person we are talking to does not feel heard, they will be less inclined to listen when it is our turn to speak. Patiently listen to what the person has to say and then progress to making your rebuttal at the appropriate time.
A frequently asked question is “What if we simply cannot see eye to eye?”
This is not an issue at all, which brings us to our final point.
Always know when to recognize that it is time to agree to disagree. There will be many instances where we simply will not be able to change someone’s mind any more than they are able to change ours. This is a respectable difference in opinion that must be accepted once both sides have had a chance to sensibly put forth their points of view.
Differences in opinion are indeed a sensitive area, which is why it is essential that we conduct ourselves sensibly. Always keep in mind that there is no victory in winning an argument and satisfying our ego, but spoiling a relationship.
